your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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