Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
