how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
