She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
