I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
