i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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