I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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