Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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