And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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