Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize