When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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