Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
