Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
