Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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