All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
