Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize