Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
