Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you never un-have a 4some
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize