i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
