ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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