You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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