I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
