i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
