You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
