I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
