Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
