please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize