weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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