Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
