first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i out mim tonsoeep
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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