You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
