I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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