she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
