he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
