Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
