"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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