He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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