I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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