Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
