My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
