Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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