i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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