allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
