saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Randomize