call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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