A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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