im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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