Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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