He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
