I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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