Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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