Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
