I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
