True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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