I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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