Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
