So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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