hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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