last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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