Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Please, let me fuck your mom
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
