My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's shark week go big or go home
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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