my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
