Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
COCAINE IS GR8
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
