Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
