I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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