i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
