I smell stomach acid.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
