If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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