I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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