So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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