I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
