Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
