i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
