he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize