sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
