i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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