im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
