I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
