How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
