Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
