Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
