okay pat passed out under dana's car
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
