Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
