Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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