Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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