whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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