You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
