its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
