I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
