I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize