I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
