So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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