I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
