Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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