It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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