i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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