Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
