after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
