STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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